Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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