my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
