dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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