Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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