plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
a search helicopter?!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
