When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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