Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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