im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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