I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
