Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
