I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
is wine microwaveable?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
