Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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