all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
