Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
