You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
