Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
