Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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