census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
