You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
