hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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