It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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