Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
