a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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