take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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