Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
