you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
