if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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