I just cut my nipple shaving
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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