I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
