Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We need to get me chipped asap
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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