cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
