but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
