Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
