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Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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