I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
