just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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