Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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