im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
