On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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