kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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