Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
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I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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