I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
