i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Vodka?
Forever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
