you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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