I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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