how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
