An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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