Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
