I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
His hands were made for my vagina.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
