can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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