Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
