she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
