we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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