where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
