I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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