Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
FUCK WHALES
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
