I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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