Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
