i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
