Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
