dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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