I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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