I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
