I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
A bitchslap is in order.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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