This dress was meant to end up on your floor
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
