new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
