apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
