You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
