I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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